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This Film is Not Yet Rated- reviewed by John Hang

THIS WEBSITE IS RATED NC-17 for strong sexual content and the use of a spatula to harm a kangaroo. Who the hell gave us this rating? And where the hell did we find a kangaroo? Well the new documentary by director Kirby Dick tackles this issue.
Kirby Dick hires a private investigator and interviews many artists who have been censored by a review board that has remained anonymous…until now.

STORY: not believable at all! Complete farce! Actually with clever editing you make a documentary completely unbelievable. Actually with all the mockumentaries it has harder to distinguish the lines between reality and fiction. With this documentary, there is a blend of interviews with acclaimed directors and other commentators on the M.P.A.A.’s board or review, and interwoven is footage of Kirby Dick and a team of private investigators following cars coming out of the MPAA building. The premise lies in the fact no one knows who determines the ratings for films, which leads to no accountability for the harsh results that are laid sometimes. We are led to believe the board is occupied by regular parents looking out for the well-fair of our youth, but we learn differently.
STYLE: shot on DV cameras with plenty of stock footage of movies that have been censored, it is almost hard to believe too many shots were designed for this film. Developing a beautiful image is not even discussed for a documentary mainly because the focus of a documentary is to tell a story, hence the reason for the recent success of many documentaries. There were some cool animated and flash graphics that have become a mainstay in docu-films like Fahrenheit 9/11 and Supersize Me. The film runs at 97 mins because of the many interviews conducted and there is probably only about 30 minutes with Kirby and his private investigators.
SUMMARY: mehhh. When members of the review board are revealed, there wasn’t a wave of shock that wiped over me or the audience. Maybe with the build-up I was expecting the review board to be occupied by large stalks of celery or Sinbad, but it was mainly suburban parents which came to no surprise to me. I thought the bigger story was the members of the appeals committee which makes perfect sense to me and the funniest parts of the movie consisted of dramatizations with Kirby Dick and the MPAA as he submits his film for a rating to the committee. That must have been an awkward moment for board members as they realized a spy has been following them for months. The main objective is to prove how sex receives a harder sentencing than violence, which is the opposite with other review boards, and after watching this film, all I really wanted to do was watch all these films that received NC-17 ratings and maybe watching some deleted scenes for others. Viva la France!

Jackass 2 proves once again that with alcohol, there are no boundaries- the sky is the limit, and they came awfully close to reaching the sky this time. Johnny Knoxville reunites the band of misfits every young male between the ages of 10-65 idolizes and up the ante with a bigger budget and enough stunts to make you wonder what kind of beer are these junkies drinking. No Podcast will be justice to the amount of entertainment the film brings, but we tried, and something happen to this week’s podcast that we promise was not our intention. I think we still couldn’t get the image of Spike Jonze as the naked Grandma out of heads, or maybe after watching Jackass 2 nothing we can say or do seems outrageous enough. But never fear, Movie Menu has never been afraid of pushing the envelope. So once those kung fu mountain lions arrive in the mail, we can promise you all hell will break loose.

Panelist: Mike- O, Danny Bam, Johnny Hangville, and special guest appearance

Sound Guy: Sir Matt the Cat

Next week’s episode: The Last Kiss  

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Scoop – reviewed by John Hang

Woody Allen discovers life out of his New York City cesspool and rejuvenates himself in London, England. A 4 picture deal with BBC has persuaded Woody Allen to direct his first films out of New York with the first film being Match Point, and now Mr. Allen brings us the movie Scoop.
An American journalist receives the scoop of a lifetime from a dead journalist and falls in love with the person she is investigating.

STORY: Scarlett Johansson plays Sandra Pransky the American journalist who encounters a ghost during an act for Sid Waterman’s (Woody Allen) magician act. The story follows the pursuit of Sandra’s investigation into the claim that Peter Lyman, played by Hugh “Wolverine” Jackman is a serial killer at large. Sandra falls in love with Peter despite the disapproval of Sid who is assisting Sandra to find the truth. Scarlett Johansson is one of the hottest talents in Hollywood, but she falls stale for me in this film. Hugh Jackman gives one of the worst performances of an English aristocrat which questions whether Great Britain should purchase Australia back from China so they can imprison Wolverine. Woody Allen plays Woody Allen if he decided to be a Magician and his paranoia and sarcastic humor saves the bad decisions in casting. The story resembles a satirical parody of a film noir film which is quite fascinating, but there is a bias in this review for my positive approval of anything Woody Allen.
STYLE: the scenes of the dead journalist riding a fishing boat with the Grim Reaper are beautifully designed and subtlety hilarious. It clearly was done on a sound stage somewhere but the elements of everyone who had recently died riding a boat brought a chuckle every time it appeared. The film runs at 96 minutes and the music seems to add dimensions to a story that wasn’t completely executed. Not too many issues with the aesthetics because they never really tried anything adventurous. Woody has always maintained a focus on story rather than style, and the writing contained all the elements of all his films.
SUMMARY: I over exaggerate the performances but Scarlett Johansson and Hugh Jackman did play their roles respectfully. Woody Allen steals the film, which is ironic because didn’t Woody write and direct this film? This is a good story of the lengths we take to further our careers and the obstacles and decisions we make to stipple that advancement. So there are 2 more films Woody Allen will be shooting in London, and I’ll be the 27th person in line for those films, until then wait for Scoop to be released on DVD and make it a priority to place Match Point on your list.  

Josh Harnett and Aaron Eckhart are former boxers who are partnered in the L.A. police force and assigned to the murder of Elizabeth Short, A K A The Black Dahlia. This sexy adaptation of a James Ellroy book combines elements of a low budget pornography and a murder mystery. So imagine if someone took the story of L.A. Confidential and applied it to Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo and you have The Black Dahlia. But somewhere along the line, the story was put in a blender and served to Josh Harnett at his local juice bar. So the man of mystery: John Harnett drinks the blended story smoothie, because he can’t read, and is perplexed on how he knows the script so well by heart. Somewhere in the process, Josh Harnett takes a # 2 and before he could flush it down the toilet, director Brian De Palma scoops it out of the toilet and the film is made. Cheese doodle!

Panelist: Rushelle Scarlett Cortez, Mike Fire Stand, Danny Ice Munoz, and John Dahlia Hang

Sound Guy: baby Ernie

Next week’s episode: Jackass 2

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Welcome to another edition of the Movie Menu: Entertainment News where we add no preservatives or additives. All natural baby! I’ve always loved how producing something natural would cost the consumer more than something chemically combined. How does one go about naming a chemical, is the process something like naming an asteroid? Who ever spots it names it, whoever smelt it probably dealt it. Damn scientist and their “sophisticated” jargon and long ass name. I bet when you unscramble the names of these chemicals that you’ll have the full name of the scientist. If I ever get the opportunity to name an asteroid or chemical I would appropriately name it Who’s Yo Bitch. I can imagine scared Eskimos screaming “Look! In the sky! Who’s Yo Bitch” or as a deadly poison, “That’s right Mr. Bond, I’ve injected you with 13cc’s of Who’s Yo Bitch (evil laugh)” or even better, a vaccine, “You’ve been cured Mr. Cartwright. Who’s Yo Bitch.”
So enjoy readers! You my bitches! (Fires 22 gauge shotguns in the air)

September 8-15 Edition

• Whitney’s Brownie: well the coke couple of our generation Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown have called it quits after 14 years. Who gets the better end of this divorce? Whitney Houston finally rids the cancer that has caused the spiral of her career, but Bobby Brown riding the coat tails of Whitney for so long finally hit it big with his reality show. I just know who doesn’t win, that’s us. Who will we point at when we tell our children “crack is wack”, there are no role models for us to show people drugs really are dangerous. Well there is Pete Doherty, but he’s a b-level star and over-rated musician. But with Whitney and Bobby, there was hope-aspiration-a vision for the future on why you shouldn’t do drugs. Question 2: after the making of The Bodyguard, is Kevin Costner or Whitney Houston better off in life? Wow, good luck answering that.  (yahoo)
• George Lucas: what can the man who created Star Wars do to solidify his career? Sell boxes! Wouldn’t that be the greatest headline of our century: LUCAS GONE LUNATIC EPISODE 4 (so he could make prequels). Anyways, word is out Mr. Lucas has finally decided to create an original idea for a film for the first time in 20 years!! Star Wars = Joseph Campbell (true geeks know that). George Lucas will direct “the story of the Tuskegee Airman, the first African-American pilots to fly in a combat squadron in World War II.” If Jar-Jar Binks turns out to be one of the pilots, we’ll all know the rumors of Jar-Jar as a mockery of black people will be true. George Lucas needs to buy an island filled with tropical whores and vast amounts of coconuts and stop making movies. How much money does one need? You’ve already established the best special effects and digital sound companies in the world, so please Georgie! Hire some Playboy bunnies and masturbate in the corner like a retired geek would.   (IMDB)
• Luc Besson: it’s hard to believe, but this man was fucking Milla Jovovich at one tine, but perhaps one of our greatest visionaries has finally decided he is burnt out. Luc Besson, creator of The Fifth Element an all-time Sci-fi classic, and The Professional which is my all-time favorite action flick, is proclaiming his newest film Arthur and the Invisibles to be his last film. Now to be far, Luc Besson hasn’t directed many films of late, well in fact his film The Messenger: the Story of Joan of Arc was a totally bomb back in 1999. Besson has been relegated to Producer, but everyone will remember: you can bang hot chicks if you act like all artsy and pretend to be French. Viva La Besson  (Movie Blog)
• Dr. Seuss’ Horton Hears a Who: the adaptation of Dr. Seuss’s popular 1954 children’s book will receive the magical makeover of computer animation. Jim Carrey and Steve Carell have already been attached and you can expect many others to follow. Jim Carrey plays an elephant named Horton and Steve Carell will be the Mayor of Who-ville and 20th Century Fox will produce the film. Where does someone like Dr. Seuss’ get his credentials? Wait a minute; he’s not a real doctor I bet. Although the remedy of green eggs and ham does sound appetizing I don’t think I will follow the advice of this doctor. Dr. Dre, now that’s a doctor! Smoking some weed while spitting some lyrics and pretending to be tough sounds like great advice from a certified doctor…from the school of Hard-Knocks! Yeah, boy!  (Hollywood)

Half Nelson – reviewed by John Hang

Can you save someone’s life from spiraling out of control when you cannot even save your own? This is the basic premise behind this indie darling and Oscar mentioned film Half Nelson.
An inner city teacher forms an unlikely bond with the student who discovers his drug addiction and the two characters struggle to save each other.

STORY: Ryan Gosling plays Dan Dunne, the ghetto school teacher who also coaches the school’s female basketball team. This is where Dan Dunne meets Drey (Shareeka Epps), a kid trying to stay off a life pedaling drugs for the man who is responsible for her brothers’ incarceration. Drey discovers her coach cooking some cocaine in the bathroom and Dan feels the obligation as her teacher to try and kick his habit. A story like this is very powerful and dramatic, but the movie has a devilish sarcastic underscore and keeps from preaching the dangers of drugs. Many have mention Ryan Gosling’s name for Oscar consideration and I will admit this film and his performance in The Notebook have persuaded me to believe Mr. Gosling as one of our premiere thespians of our generation. Like all “indie” films, Half Nelson ends with a scene left for discussion and open interpretation, so I’ve gone back and forward on what I believe happened.
STYLE: film runs at 106 minutes and feels right, shot on 35mm and utilizes some very small lenses. For this reason, many scenes shot by Director Ryan Fleck were out of focus but it also drew an audience even closer to the characters because the intimacy of camera shots. Some nice shots of students reading historical facts with the green chalk board in the background and a medium shot with a student cropped left of the scene. The use of an actual urban classroom and real apartment added another dimension to a film that appealed to me.
SUMMARY: highly recommended! Go look for a screening of this, it provides the necessary qualities to demonstrate the dangers of drugs without getting all preachy. Small supporting cast which provided nice story breaks and Ryan Gosling pours his heart into this role. I can sympathize with Drey, coming from a urban school myself, and I would like to believe many of my teachers were on some sort of drug. Half Nelson also seems to be a commentary on the status of our public schools and what our kids are being subjected to. There is a nice little tidbit on something called the Twinkie Defense which I found hilarious and there is no over-exaggerated drug binge that makes your eyes want to vomit. Overall, put your money into supporting this film and envy the teacher-student relationship you’ve always wanted but were too stupid to support your passion for the subject.      

Muay Thai specialist and action star of the future Tony Jaa brings us a new spectacle for us to gravitate towards. Tony Jaa is sent to Australia in this film to rescue his elephant before he becomes part of someone�s lunch. We thought an expert in the field was needed, so we called upon a specialist. Unfortunately Danny Glover wasn�t available to comment on his movie Operation Dumbo Drop and his relationship with an elephant so we settled on Phil, a karate master. Like Tony Jaa, Phil wears red scarves to hide his true masculinity, but the man is a weapon of mass destruction. The fact that Tony Jaa wears black Converse high tops throughout the movie gives us hope that one day we will be capable of becoming a killing machine, and maybe little girls will stop picking on us for our lunch money. Bon Appetite! Enjoy another Movie Menu episode of mammoth proportions.

Panelist: Phillip Lee, Mike Stand Chan, Danny Van Damme, and John �The Karate Kid� Macchio

Sound Guy: R2-D2

Next week�s episode: The Black Dahlia

THIS EPISODE IS DEDICATED TO THE LOVING MEMORY OF STEVE IRWIN

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Planning the Podcast
            We planned last week that Phillip was going to be our special guest for this episode. Since Phillip loves martial art films, Movie Menu thought The Protector would be a fitting movie for Phillip to review. We also all wanted to watch the kick ass action scenes because there were no wires used for this film. We made our arrangements and we began the first episode with a special guest panelist.

Day of Podcast
            We schedule our day pretty tightly so we can show Phillip how professional we are. However, having a schedule wasn’t enough for us to look professional, so we decided on our intro. We wanted to dedicate our intro to a special man so hopefully you enjoy it. Another thing, we kind of ended up with a four man show, but I was afraid that too many voices would be confusing, I sat back and let the others rant on more, (plus they had more interesting things to say than I…or did they?) Also, Phil was kind enough to work on some drum beats for our intro, which in my opinion can out great. So this was a very productive, yet fun day to podcast.

Post-Production
Since we had so much fun recording, we didn’t realize we recorded so much material. So we had to trim this sucka down in order for our audience not to fall asleep during the show, (not that they don’t already). We did however add some more music in the intro and added tracks of Summit Core, Phillip’s band as our background music during the podcast and as our outro song. Hope you enjoy!

Planning the Podcast

We figured we saw the worst movie ever last week, which was GIGLI, so its only going up from there, until we saw the previews of The Wickerman, starring Nicolas Cage. We decided to give this movie a chance and pray for dear life that it would be better than anticipated. We were skeptical but had hopes, I mean Nicolas Cage doing a bad film? What are the odds... ::cough cough:: Don't miss Nicolas Cage in GHOSTRIDER coming out next year...::cough cough:: Though the director has done some hits and misses, I would have liked to see this movie as a hit, but with Nicolas Cage rounding up the cast, expectations were set so low, MOVIE MENU was trippin'!

Day of Podcast

After watching the movie, the whole cast was depressed, not because the movie was sad and tragic, but because we lost two hours of our lives that we will NEVER EVER get back! Though I must admit, I did snooze in the middle of the movie, but Mike Stand assured me I didn't miss anything.... ANYTHING! John pretended to go to the restroom, which left Mike Stand, the lone Wickerman watcher. After, our spirits got high because of the appearance of CosmicMint a.k.a. Diana who was able to make a shout out or two on the show! Though thinking of an intro to top the last two weeks were really hard, but again figured that our aim is not to repeat the success of our previous intros, but make our intros successful in their own ways! However, something told me that this day was going to be a LONG DAY!

Post-Production

Editing this one would be a difficult one because we really had one day to do it. Though what seemed to be the LONGEST day EVER! We were happy to know when we finished. Only had to add the music to the intro and it was set to be posted. Though this movie was not what we expect (or was it?) we still had to move forward with the project. WISH US LUCK!

Mistaking your butt plugs for spark plugs…Again: welcome to another edition of the Movie Menu: Entertainment News which brings you another story. So everyone grab a newspaper and huddle around the trash fire. So my mom had to remind me my plates are expired and I needed to get a smog check before I can get my new tags. I begin making the round of calls to various smog check stations and one is chosen in Alhambra, CA. Not too far, and the price is half the price of its competition. So I track down the address and upon arrival, I couldn’t help but give a little chuckle. Now, it took us awhile to settle upon the Movie Menu name, because this is our company’s brand name, and we wanted something catchy and easily memorable. So to my surprise, my eyes did not deceive me, but the name of this smog check station was: S & M Auto Repair. I wouldn’t want to judge one’s decision, but naming your company similar to the association of a sexual preference doesn’t seem the wisest business decision. To my chagrin no one was strapped in leather/ balls-chains/ wipes and/or handcuffs. I can imagine the prank calls they receive:

Employee: Hello, how could I help…you?
Customer: (clears throat) yes…is this S & M Auto Repair?
Employee: Yup. How can I be of service?
Customer: (giggles) well since you asked, I’ve been looking to Repair my social life.
Employee: Do you need oil change?
Customer: (licks lips) ooooo yea…I need someone to drain my oil
Employee: $29.95
Customer: Really?? That’s it…how about….

(Metal drills blast in the background. Chain links hit floor. Men grunting)

Customer: Holy Shit, you guys are really serious about S & M!
Employee: We do whatever we can to satisfy your needs
Customer: Well then. I’ll just have to special order a Panda and a gallon of Tang.

Remember to choose your company’s name wisely. You wouldn’t want to end up with a name like: O.J.-Simpson Juice Bar or Dirty Sanchez Trash Deposal

p.s. - I’d give you the address of the place, but the place sucks and S & M happen to be a couple of scary Russians that’ll break your neck if you “make joke.” Plus they don’t accept credit card…LoL “C-R-E-D-I-T CARDDDD!!!” (Runs hand up butt), seriously, who doesn’t accept credit cards anymore?

August 26-31 Edition

• Chuck Palahniuk: world renowned author Chuck Palahniuk, who has been credited for writing the book Fight Club, has another one of his novels ready to receive some screen time. Choke is a novel about Victor Mancini, a med-school dropout who has turned into a con-artist by faking to choke in order to receive settlements from restaurants. Victor uses some of the money to support his ailing mother and visits sexaholic meetings to meet women. This sounds like a great idea! The book that is, the meeting women at sexaholic interventions is scary because these women are into some weird shit. Ummmm, that’s what my friend...Ahhh….Ernie said, yeah! But this film will do well considering the loyal following Palahniuk has received since Fight Club and critics will likely hype this film to save face from the bashing critics originally gave Fight Club when it was first released but changed their opinion when they saw the cult following.  (Cinema Fusion)
• Terminator 2 ½: television is bringing you the “original” series titled Sarah Connor Chronicles. The tale shall follow Sarah and John Connor as they go on the run from the evil terminator. No news on casting or what channel you will be able to catch this on, but I have no interest in this, so don’t bug me about it. I loved Terminator 2 and hope Arnold Schwarzenegger would consider reprising his role as the Terminator as a cameo. How cool would it be to see your Governor reading lines from a script rather than doing lines of cocaine. Wait, these people read their speeches from a prompter already. Wow, the line between politics and entertainment has really been blurred. I guess an actor makes sense, but electing a wrestler? Jesse Ventura!?!?! “If you win me at arm wrestling, I’ll pass your proposition!”  (Movie Blog)
• The Apprentice: Donald Trump has decided the fire his female muse Carolyn Kepcher and the world of entertainment has temporarily stopped all productions to mourn this tragic event. Wait? Who the F&*k is she again? Whatever. How this made news is astonishing and demonstrates what a slow news week it has been. Can anyone verify she was at least a hottie? Donald Trump is gold with the ladies. I wouldn’t mind being the Apprentice of Ron Popeil, now that would a show I would watch and participate in! Ron Popeil is that leech who keeps hawking his inventions in infomercials, i.e. Showtime Rotisserie, cutlery knife sets, flavor injectors, etc. I’ve always wanted a machine to add a blast of flavor to my Ramen noodles.  (Hollywood Reporter)
• The Anti Christ Oprah Winfrey: yup, she’s still living. It wasn’t headline news but humanity is continuingly failing at killing this manatee, so unless we give it a greater microscope, the manatee will continue to live and spread her filth.  (I Hate Oprah)
• Slow news week: (insert fake story- insightful commentary- obvious/ oblivious joke reference)  (wrong URL)

Little Miss Sunshine – reviewed by Danny Munoz

            Think your family is dysfunctional? Think again. Little Miss Sunshine deals with a family that has more issues than the Spiderman Comics. The movie starts off with Frank (Steve Carell) in the hospital for attempting to commit suicide. His sister Sheryl (Toni Collette) goes to pick him up to take him home with her so she can watch over him. Richard (Greg Kinnear) is a motivational speaker that tries his best to get a book deal, however his lack to motivate makes it difficult to break the deal.
            When Sheryl gets home with Frank, she tells him that he will be staying with her son Dwayne (Paul Dano) so he can watch him at night. Dwayne took a vow of silence to reach a goal of his that he’s dreamt about for so long. Richard’s and Sheryl’s daughter Olive (Abigail Breslin) dreams to one day win a beauty pageant so much that her coach is Grandpa (Alan Arkin). Olive entered the regional Little Miss Sunshine Pageant while visiting Sheryl’s sister, only to win runner-up. A few months later, the winner got disqualified, so Olive was able to go to the National Little Miss Sunshine pageant in California. So the family must drop everything they had planned to see if Olive can make her dream come true.
            This movie has so much drama, yet it is very hilarious. The situations that these people are put in are so ridiculous you’d think that the whole family walked under a ladder, broke mirrors, or walked by a black cat because they have such bad luck. However, with every situation that they faced, they must overcome it together, even if they don’t like each other, the love is still there. Though there are some tear jerking moments, this movie got my seal of approval. This is one you should not miss!