Preview Review: Shadowboxer

Shadowboxer – reviewed by John Hang

Cuba Gooding Jr. sure does like to box. He once was an underground fighter in Gladiator…before there is any confusion, I’m not talking about the Russell Crowe film. Although Russell would have been great in both. Hey! You wanna fight!
Rose, a female assassin, decides to finish her career with one final job. But the job isn’t completed, so it’s up to Rose and Mikey now to find a way out.

STORY: Helen Mirren a British actress better known for her recent portrayal of Queen Elizabeth, plays Rose the terminally ill assassin who wants out now. Cuba Gooding Jr. is the boyfriend Mikey, an assassin who trains like a boxer, but fights no one. Like a Shadowboxer. How clever. Well the two assassins couldn’t bring themselves to kill a pregnant woman, so the trio flee with the baby and go into hiding. The story focuses heavily on Mikey and how he got into the profession. Cuba Gooding Jr. shows how bad you can make a bad movie worst with bad acting. Clearly Cuba proves his best role was a retarded water boy in Radio. Director Lee Daniels used so many flashbacks to tell Mikey’s story, I easily guessed the ending and everything in between. Although, they do remind us Stephen Dorff is still alive and acting, giving him a chance to play the mad boss man chasing Mikey and Rose.

STYLE: Think of the movie Mr. and Mrs. Smith, starring Angelina Jolie- Brad Pitt okay, now add a hip hop/ gangster rap soundtrack, and have it romantically star a British actress pushing 60 and a black actor who can also be seen in Snow Dogs. Every shot is bland, no aesthetics worth mentioning, and a lot of shots of Cuba Gooding’s ass. One scene that was memorable was the wife’s infatuation with Cuba Gooding’s ass while he was showering, and she decides to start masturbating.  Well they changed the shutter speed so on film her hand trails in slow motion. Masturbation in slow motion. Yup. That was new, found it pretty funny, but I give director Lee Daniels credit for trying something different.

SUMMARY: I was pretty disappointed in my rental choice, because I chose Shadowboxer over Totally Awesome, a new film starring Chris Kattan. Let me repeat that, I was disappointed in myself for not renting a Chris Kattan film. Just a bad-bad-bad film. Supposedly LL Cool J and Mos Def rejected the film, shouldn’t that be a sign to someone to not make this film? So go watch it! Movie Menu pick of the month! Kidding. Your hour and a half is better spent thinking of joining Flavor Flav’s posse. Chicken and waffles for everyone!