Welcome to another edition of the Movie Menu: Entertainment News where we add no preservatives or additives. All natural baby! I’ve always loved how producing something natural would cost the consumer more than something chemically combined. How does one go about naming a chemical, is the process something like naming an asteroid? Who ever spots it names it, whoever smelt it probably dealt it. Damn scientist and their “sophisticated” jargon and long ass name. I bet when you unscramble the names of these chemicals that you’ll have the full name of the scientist. If I ever get the opportunity to name an asteroid or chemical I would appropriately name it Who’s Yo Bitch. I can imagine scared Eskimos screaming “Look! In the sky! Who’s Yo Bitch” or as a deadly poison, “That’s right Mr. Bond, I’ve injected you with 13cc’s of Who’s Yo Bitch (evil laugh)” or even better, a vaccine, “You’ve been cured Mr. Cartwright. Who’s Yo Bitch.”
So enjoy readers! You my bitches! (Fires 22 gauge shotguns in the air)
September 8-15 Edition
- Whitney’s Brownie: well the coke couple of our generation Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown have called it quits after 14 years. Who gets the better end of this divorce? Whitney Houston finally rids the cancer that has caused the spiral of her career, but Bobby Brown riding the coat tails of Whitney for so long finally hit it big with his reality show. I just know who doesn’t win, that’s us. Who will we point at when we tell our children “crack is wack”, there are no role models for us to show people drugs really are dangerous. Well there is Pete Doherty, but he’s a b-level star and over-rated musician. But with Whitney and Bobby, there was hope-aspiration-a vision for the future on why you shouldn’t do drugs. Question 2: after the making of The Bodyguard, is Kevin Costner or Whitney Houston better off in life? Wow, good luck answering that. (yahoo)
- George Lucas: what can the man who created Star Wars do to solidify his career? Sell boxes! Wouldn’t that be the greatest headline of our century: LUCAS GONE LUNATIC EPISODE 4 (so he could make prequels). Anyways, word is out Mr. Lucas has finally decided to create an original idea for a film for the first time in 20 years!! Star Wars = Joseph Campbell (true geeks know that). George Lucas will direct “the story of the Tuskegee Airman, the first African-American pilots to fly in a combat squadron in World War II.” If Jar-Jar Binks turns out to be one of the pilots, we’ll all know the rumors of Jar-Jar as a mockery of black people will be true. George Lucas needs to buy an island filled with tropical whores and vast amounts of coconuts and stop making movies. How much money does one need? You’ve already established the best special effects and digital sound companies in the world, so please Georgie! Hire some Playboy bunnies and masturbate in the corner like a retired geek would. (IMDB)
- Luc Besson: it’s hard to believe, but this man was fucking Milla Jovovich at one tine, but perhaps one of our greatest visionaries has finally decided he is burnt out. Luc Besson, creator of The Fifth Element an all-time Sci-fi classic, and The Professional which is my all-time favorite action flick, is proclaiming his newest film Arthur and the Invisibles to be his last film. Now to be far, Luc Besson hasn’t directed many films of late, well in fact his film The Messenger: the Story of Joan of Arc was a totally bomb back in 1999. Besson has been relegated to Producer, but everyone will remember: you can bang hot chicks if you act like all artsy and pretend to be French. Viva La Besson (Movie Blog)
- Dr. Seuss’ Horton Hears a Who: the adaptation of Dr. Seuss’s popular 1954 children’s book will receive the magical makeover of computer animation. Jim Carrey and Steve Carell have already been attached and you can expect many others to follow. Jim Carrey plays an elephant named Horton and Steve Carell will be the Mayor of Who-ville and 20th Century Fox will produce the film. Where does someone like Dr. Seuss’ get his credentials? Wait a minute; he’s not a real doctor I bet. Although the remedy of green eggs and ham does sound appetizing I don’t think I will follow the advice of this doctor. Dr. Dre, now that’s a doctor! Smoking some weed while spitting some lyrics and pretending to be tough sounds like great advice from a certified doctor…from the school of Hard-Knocks! Yeah, boy! (Hollywood)
