Mistaking your butt plugs for spark plugs…Again: welcome to another edition of the Movie Menu: Entertainment News which brings you another story. So everyone grab a newspaper and huddle around the trash fire. So my mom had to remind me my plates are expired and I needed to get a smog check before I can get my new tags. I begin making the round of calls to various smog check stations and one is chosen in Alhambra, CA. Not too far, and the price is half the price of its competition. So I track down the address and upon arrival, I couldn’t help but give a little chuckle. Now, it took us awhile to settle upon the Movie Menu name, because this is our company’s brand name, and we wanted something catchy and easily memorable. So to my surprise, my eyes did not deceive me, but the name of this smog check station was: S & M Auto Repair. I wouldn’t want to judge one’s decision, but naming your company similar to the association of a sexual preference doesn’t seem the wisest business decision. To my chagrin no one was strapped in leather/ balls-chains/ wipes and/or handcuffs. I can imagine the prank calls they receive:
Employee: Hello, how could I help…you?
Customer: (clears throat) yes…is this S & M Auto Repair?
Employee: Yup. How can I be of service?
Customer: (giggles) well since you asked, I’ve been looking to Repair my social life.
Employee: Do you need oil change?
Customer: (licks lips) ooooo yea…I need someone to drain my oil
Employee: $29.95
Customer: Really?? That’s it…how about….
(Metal drills blast in the background. Chain links hit floor. Men grunting)
Customer: Holy Shit, you guys are really serious about S & M!
Employee: We do whatever we can to satisfy your needs
Customer: Well then. I’ll just have to special order a Panda and a gallon of Tang.
Remember to choose your company’s name wisely. You wouldn’t want to end up with a name like: O.J.-Simpson Juice Bar or Dirty Sanchez Trash Deposal
p.s. - I’d give you the address of the place, but the place sucks and S & M happen to be a couple of scary Russians that’ll break your neck if you “make joke.” Plus they don’t accept credit card…LoL “C-R-E-D-I-T CARDDDD!!!” (Runs hand up butt), seriously, who doesn’t accept credit cards anymore?
August 26-31 Edition
- Chuck Palahniuk: world renowned author Chuck Palahniuk, who has been credited for writing the book Fight Club, has another one of his novels ready to receive some screen time. Choke is a novel about Victor Mancini, a med-school dropout who has turned into a con-artist by faking to choke in order to receive settlements from restaurants. Victor uses some of the money to support his ailing mother and visits sexaholic meetings to meet women. This sounds like a great idea! The book that is, the meeting women at sexaholic interventions is scary because these women are into some weird shit. Ummmm, that’s what my friend...Ahhh….Ernie said, yeah! But this film will do well considering the loyal following Palahniuk has received since Fight Club and critics will likely hype this film to save face from the bashing critics originally gave Fight Club when it was first released but changed their opinion when they saw the cult following. (Cinema Fusion)
- Terminator 2 ½: television is bringing you the “original” series titled Sarah Connor Chronicles. The tale shall follow Sarah and John Connor as they go on the run from the evil terminator. No news on casting or what channel you will be able to catch this on, but I have no interest in this, so don’t bug me about it. I loved Terminator 2 and hope Arnold Schwarzenegger would consider reprising his role as the Terminator as a cameo. How cool would it be to see your Governor reading lines from a script rather than doing lines of cocaine. Wait, these people read their speeches from a prompter already. Wow, the line between politics and entertainment has really been blurred. I guess an actor makes sense, but electing a wrestler? Jesse Ventura!?!?! “If you win me at arm wrestling, I’ll pass your proposition!” (Movie Blog)
- The Apprentice: Donald Trump has decided the fire his female muse Carolyn Kepcher and the world of entertainment has temporarily stopped all productions to mourn this tragic event. Wait? Who the F&*k is she again? Whatever. How this made news is astonishing and demonstrates what a slow news week it has been. Can anyone verify she was at least a hottie? Donald Trump is gold with the ladies. I wouldn’t mind being the Apprentice of Ron Popeil, now that would a show I would watch and participate in! Ron Popeil is that leech who keeps hawking his inventions in infomercials, i.e. Showtime Rotisserie, cutlery knife sets, flavor injectors, etc. I’ve always wanted a machine to add a blast of flavor to my Ramen noodles. (Hollywood Reporter)
- The Anti Christ Oprah Winfrey: yup, she’s still living. It wasn’t headline news but humanity is continuingly failing at killing this manatee, so unless we give it a greater microscope, the manatee will continue to live and spread her filth. (I Hate Oprah)
- Slow news week: (insert fake story- insightful commentary- obvious/ oblivious joke reference) (wrong URL)
